I need a second job. Perhaps even a third if I want to start chipping away at my mountain of debt instead of just getting by. The job choices are slim, time to grit my teeth and take something I wouldn’t have before…time to tuck away my professional dignity.
I’ve had three migraines this week. I had been migraine free for almost 3 months before this, and I miss those days. Migraines slow me down in every way imaginable. I can’t do my best work, I can’t sleep, I’m miserable simply because of the blinding pain. I need to find the trigger and then try to fix this. I can’t do this for much longer, the pain can make me a little crazy if it goes on for too long.
I like working Saturday nights, the pace is quick, the tips are acceptable and I get to see the most of my coworkers at once. There are some people I only see once or twice every two weeks. Its crazy. But I worked with a great staff tonight and that was nice. I got taken down by a migraine 4 hours into the shift and everyone helped me out so I could phase out and get home. Between the offers of muscle relaxants and help with my sidework I was taken care of. Great coworkers. And I still made $60 in 4 hours plus hourly…I’ll take it.
I have noticed the urge to write creeping up on me little by little recently. I’m intrigued but I’m not going to rush it. I want to start up soon, but I don’t think I’m quite ready yet. I wonder when I’ll be ready…hopefully I’ll know when the moment is right.
Now that I have a job that exists outside of my home office I’ve started meeting a lot of very interesting and friendly people in Portland. I hadn’t realized that I really only talked to my boyfriend and the guys he works with (in person) in the last year. I spoke to my mother a lot on the phone in the last year but that was about it. It’s nice to get out and meet new people.
Well, my rent check may or may not bounce this month, I’ll know in a day or two.
Things are improving slightly at work. I had my first shift where I broke $100 in tips. Granted I had to work an insanely busy 13 hour shift on a Saturday but right now I will take whatever I can get. I have 3 shifts this week, hopefully that will continue. Maybe next week I’ll get four shifts. I am still looking for a second job but at least things are improving at my current job.
I’m wracking my brain, who can I ask to help me with my rent. I only need a couple hundred bucks (which sounds like a lot to me but I realize in the grand scheme of things its not that much). But who can I ask? So many members of my family helped me when I first hit a financial wall a few months ago. My parents are in just as much financial distress as I am, if not more. Unless I am part of some sort of miracle by Monday the likelihood of my rent check being completely covered is next to zero. I only have one more shift between now and then, I really need to get another job, possibly 3 jobs.
My manager told me that I was doing a great job and that she considers me one of her strongest servers. Hopefully that will translate into more shifts, and soon. I’m still looking for work all over the place. I got a call back for a great restaurant job but I couldn’t take it because I don’t have a car and the buses don’t run late enough for me to make the commute. Frustrating. I’m still looking, this is no time to give up. If I do that I might as well just throw in the towel and start living on the street. I always make it happen but this month, I’m not so sure how I am going to make it happen. Once I found a hundred dollar bill in the parking lot of my job when I lived in San Diego…what are the odds of that happening to the same person twice in a matter of about 5 years? 🙂 A girl can dream right. I have got to get this figured out, and fast.
For the first time since I moved out of my parent’s house over a decade ago I am unable to pay my rent. It’s humiliating and humbling all at the same time but most importantly, if I can’t figure this out in five days I’m in serious trouble. What the hell am I going to do?
I am twisted, messy ball of stress right now. Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth, repeat, repeat, repeat. I’m still stressing out. My life is disastrous at the moment, bills are piling up, I’m hardly making any money during my 2 shifts a week at the restaurant, and I’m having trouble maintaining perspective and staying calm. I’m not calm, I’m a mess.
I need to find another job soon, anything at this point. Any additional source of income, I’ve already started hawking my own stuff on eBay. Joy.
Breathe in, breathe out. Try not to panic.
Pondering In PDX 